The Polar Vortex Has Cancelled Coffee In Chicago

The Polar Vortex is here, and IT. IS. COLD. Despite supplications from the simple-minded, more global warming isn’t going to save us or make it warmer. In fact, some would argue (read: scientists and people who believe scientists) that this dangerous cold snap is actually caused by global warming. It sounds odd, I know. If it makes the earth hot, then why is it so cold, huh science? It’s all just some ivory tower conspiracy to make me putter around in a car powered by rubber bands instead of rolling coal the way God intended.

Winter storms don't prove that global warming isn't happening. https://t.co/LDqfq4JH9n pic.twitter.com/ndmLD637Cb

— NOAA Climate.gov (@NOAAClimate) January 29, 2019

But no matter which side of the global warming hoax you fall on, we can all agree on one thing: it’s really, really cold outside. And this is especially true in Chicago, where an entire city’s coffee habit threatened by historically low temperatures. Shops all around the Windy City are closing or operating with limited hours.

And because we love you and want to make sure you’re safe and not chasing a caffeine fix in vain, dear citizens of the Second City, we’ve compiled a list of Chicago cafes that maybe you shouldn’t visit today, Wednesday, January 30th, if you’re trying to find a warm cup of coffee.

CLOSED:

Ipsento
Caffe Umbria
Wormhole
Cup & Spoon
Metric
Werewolf Coffee Bar
Purple Llama

LIMITED HOURS:

Caffe Streets: open 7:00am–1:00pm
Colectivo Coffee: open 8:30am–3:00pm

If you absolutely must get out to get coffee, 4 Letter Word and all Intelligentsia locations are open, with the latter offering $2 off any drink with purchase of a pastry.

Be safe out there, y’all.

Zac Cadwalader is the managing editor at Sprudge Media Network and a staff writer based in Dallas. Read more Zac Cadwalader on Sprudge.

Top image via Law.com

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